Theory of compensation
(Next week there will be two more entries on the same subject stemming from Observation 1.)
In Florida the pollen count for the last 2 months has been around 10 out of 12, all in the red zone. I have felt this with my sinuses and last night was being kept up in some discomfort. Under such a seeming assault, my mind went back to the past. I recalled how I had allergies as a child. Maybe no breast feeding and lack of certain nutrients and nourishment and certain care. I recall also a mouthful of mercury fillings, now disallowed in certain countries and states. That couldn't have been good and had to affect concentration and behavior. One never felt fully comfortable in one's own skin, and either over or under compensated.
But that morning around 5 am or so, as if fitting into a preordained slot with little choice on my part, I watched as my thoughts followed a certain script. I was almost in the audience. First I saw how all my behavior and decisions and actions were tainted by my early health. I recalled a doctor, I think Benson, who after a lifetime of studying alternative therapies, concluded lung and bronchial difficulties were the hardest to cure. I then said why me, this was an injustice from the start. This was unfair.
The words 'there must not be a God' came out of me. Wow. Very strange words for me to say. But these words did come out. It was as if I watched as they did. It was like watching moves in a chess match and I was in the audience. Normally I would say such words required guts and a need for the truth. This was not the case here. It was more like a sequence playing itself out. The implications of these words were enormous. Such a conclusion could change everything.
And then it was as if I heard out of nowhere 'it gave you insights.' I can't say where these words came from, they just appeared, almost as the 'next move.' Somehow, though, a dam of understanding was opened and the water filled up all the crevices of questioning and my link had been reestablished. It was a move forward in my journey to awareness. I had always been conscious of this law of compensation, and here it was playing itself out in the arena of my being.
In the morning after the difficult night due to my sinuses I thought I had not slept. Suddenly, the classical music from the hand radio seemed to start blasting. This was a sign I had slept. Things after all were not so dire. I had not been deserted totally. I was not under attack. Gradualism was at work here. I had slept and achieved some rest and relief. There was some intelligence behind what was happening. Things were not so random or vindictive. There was some care.