Grains of Sand
To find out how you think, what has meaning and how to live accordingly takes decades.
Deductive, inductive reasoning, experience, trial and error, intuition all play a part. All the disciplines, history, theology, psychology, physics and so on have to be delved into. Writing journals, comparing notes with others, reading, listening all contribute. Your past, your present, your future all have to be considered. Your parents, your schools, your relationships all have to be understood. Finally, maybe in your 50's, everything seems to be in place. You seem to have it figured out and there is an order to it all. You have the answers.
Then just when you think you have it all figured out, you are shocked to find out it doesn't matter. This is the final twist of life. After having sought and found a conclusion, one finds this conclusion is an illusion. It was as if you built a pyramid, block by block, with the end result being called “you.” You then realize this is not the truest you.
The true “you” is just a point surrounded by the sky, the horizon, and the whole universe. Within this universe the “you” is being pulled to an invisible vanishing point, or sucked into some kind of vortex and what you’ve done, what you think and have become, loses its hold. You are being drawn into something very big and all inclusive. You do not know where you are being drawn, but you are being drawn. Your conclusions are less important and where you are going is more important. All the disciplines you've mastered, the resolutions you've come to, start fracturing. They are not the epitome of everything. Rather, they are grains of sand amidst an ocean of sand. Holding on to your structures becomes the obstacle. Exploring this new arena becomes the direction.
05/14/13 Writing 13. Grains of Sand
The "truest you"; hmm..pondering..It is difficult being true to yourself when you are in a political position; oh, wait, is that not almost 100% of your existence? Whether I am at my job dealing with young and the stupid or dealing with loved ones, friends, or in-laws, can you really be your "truest you"? If you attempt to be your "truest you" like I have done 45 years of my life, you never get promoted and you are labeled the "B" word by your inlaws, and your own family feels like they have to walk on eggshells. In the past year, I am struggling with where my true identity is?
Your comment is very true and very real. The building blocks of our selves comes from our backgrounds and if the wires were crossed we end up crisscrossed, often no matter how hard we try not to be. The normal true self comes from the ground upwards as we try to build better and better selves.
Our truest selves is from the top down. It is from above and we feel it when we feel brief moments of true peace and lightness so to speak. In these moments while being drawn up we are able to look down. When looking down we are safe and not threatened. Even in a crazy life these moments exist and somehow we want to head towards them. We want more than just a memory of them. This is our true job here as I see it, to fight for the right for these moments to exist and their reality against almost everything else.