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13. Grains of Sand

6/14/2013

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Past (05/06/13)

Spirit

Grains of Sand

  
To find out how you think, what has meaning and how to live  accordingly takes decades. 

Deductive, inductive reasoning, experience, trial and error, intuition all play a part.  All  the disciplines,  history, theology, psychology, physics  and so on have to be  delved into.  Writing journals, comparing notes  with others, reading, listening all  contribute. Your past, your present, your future all have to  be considered.  Your parents, your schools, your relationships  all have to be understood. Finally, maybe in your 50's,  everything seems to be in place.  You seem to have it  figured out and there is an order to it all.  You have the  answers.
 
Then just when you think you have it all  figured out, you are shocked  to find out it  doesn't matter. This is the final twist of life.  After having  sought and found a conclusion, one finds this conclusion is an  illusion.  It was as if you built a pyramid, block by block, with  the end result being called “you.” You then  realize this is not the truest you.  

The true “you” is just a point  surrounded by the sky, the horizon, and the whole universe.  Within  this universe  the  “you” is being pulled to an invisible vanishing point, or sucked into some kind of vortex and what you’ve done,  what you think  and have become, loses  its hold.   You are being  drawn  into something very big and all inclusive.  You do not know  where you are being drawn, but you are being  drawn. Your  conclusions are less important and where you are going is  more  important.  All the disciplines you've mastered,  the  resolutions you've come to, start fracturing. They are not the epitome of everything.  Rather, they are grains of  sand  amidst an ocean of  sand.  Holding on to your  structures  becomes the obstacle. Exploring this new arena becomes  the direction.
Comments

05/14/13  Writing 13.  Grains of Sand  

Lisa
 
The "truest you";  hmm..pondering..It is difficult being true to yourself when you are in a  political position; oh, wait, is that not almost 100% of your existence? Whether I am at my job dealing with young and the stupid or dealing with loved ones,  friends, or in-laws, can you really be your "truest you"? If you attempt to be  your "truest you" like I have done 45 years of my life, you never get promoted  and you are labeled the "B" word by your inlaws, and your own family feels like  they have to walk on eggshells. In the past year, I am struggling with where my  true identity is?

My  response:

Your  comment is very true and very real.  The building blocks of our selves  comes from our backgrounds and if the wires were crossed we end up crisscrossed, often no matter how hard we try not to be.  The normal true self comes from the ground upwards as we try to build better and better selves.
   
Our  truest selves is from the top down.  It is from above and we feel it when  we feel brief moments of true peace and lightness so to speak.  In  these moments while being drawn up  we are able to look down.  When looking down we are safe and not threatened. Even  in a crazy life these moments exist and somehow we want to head towards  them.  We want more than  just a memory of them. This is our true job here  as I see it, to fight for the right for these moments to exist and their reality  against almost everything else.

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    Steven B. Nussdorf records his lifelong search to find meaning outside of the normal channels.  He  uses writing, poetry, and drawing to document this effort.

    Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.

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