391. Past
(These older poems vary in refinement and are longer and rawer, like the drawings from that period. They can express pain and confusion with little attempt to cover it up. It's the way things sometimes are and here they are expressed directly with little or no padding inbetween.) Dream As a kid there were dreams where I fell, or was running from something or someone. Sometimes I was flying across a room, even above others on a basketball court, as if I had some special power which seemed very real to me. There was a time when I didn’t sleep well, and dreams were not had. Daytime and nighttime merged on the same anxious level, never fully awake, never fully asleep the anxiety, worry and fear with me all the day. There was also a time when I slept too heavily as if drugged. Sleep was not the problem, being awake was. The day was like a continuous nightmare, and if I was able to be unconscious for awhile that was a victory. I’m not sure what dreams were like during this period or even if I had any. At some point, when I thought I had some answers, and maybe I did, dreams became fuller, story like, and I stood up to various people, confronting, correcting, until I made my point. Life and dreams tracked each other for a number of years. The consistency was nice, and then the clarity began to fade. Then dreams just became another part of life, sometimes undistinguished, playing themselves out as I played myself out. A few days ago a face on TV looked as if it were fading, distant, removed, and that night in a dream My mother's and father's faces looked the same as I held them, and there was a deep piercing anguish inside my being as I sometimes felt as a child, and it was as if I said, "please, don't leave me, I'm not ready, Please, please, don't leave me yet." 390. Past
Principles Philosophy Proof and acceptance In this plane of existence the truth can be approached, reasonably ascertained, even known but it cannot be proven. While the truth in its absolute state is pure and consistent, on this plane, it can only be a reasonably sure thing but not an absolute. Whatever we do here is tainted, so all we can do is suspect there is a truth, but we can't prove it. Nothing can be absolutely proven. We can arrive at truth beyond a reasonable doubt, but it is not written in stone. Even the equation one equals one can't be proven. We have to accept it on faith and proceed and build upon it. Nothing in the universe totally equals something else. There is no such thing. We accept equality because it is convenient, and in good faith use it as a premise, but we can't prove it. 389. Past
Principles Stands Stands Not all people who end up alone are loners or misfits. Some pay the price for taking stands or searching for meaning or taking certain risks to answer a question or to stand up to a negative situation. If such is the case, it is good not to judge too harshly. They could be a spirit asking a profound question that has taken them on some lonely roads. That is all. |
Steven B. Nussdorf records his lifelong search to find meaning outside of the normal channels. He uses writing, poetry, and drawing to document this effort.Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.
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